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My Vagina Monologue

So, as usual, I would like to give a little bit of background as to what I am writing and why. A few weeks ago, I was diagnosed with hpv, a sexually transmitted disease that can lead to cervical cancer. As a precaution to make sure this does not occur, I had to get this really awesome procedure called a colposcopy, where a nice little doctor scrapes out a piece of one's cervix to test it for cancer. Needless to say, I was quite overjoyed to be having the procedure done.

There was a small mishap at the doctor's office though, as my doctor failed to provide me with a female obgyn, and also thought it would be super neat to allow two young MALE medical students watch/help with the procedure. Moral of this story is: DOCTORS! LISTEN TO WOMYN WHEN THE SAY THEY NEED A FEMALE OBGYN. THERE IS PROBABLY A REASON WHY!!!!

Anyways, Let my vagina tell a story....

So I'm sitting in the doctor's office
Waiting to find out if I have cervical cancer
And three male doctors walk in.
One to explain the procedure
the other two to introduce themselves as medical students.
I'm not joking. I wish this wasn't real.
I think "Oh shit, I'm going to break down"
then my female nurse walks in to ask about my sexual history
by merely pointing at questions on a page,
cause, you know, sex is embarassing.
I guessed on the how many partners question
then I propped my legs up in those big warm stirrups
and the doctor said he was going to shove something in my vagina.
He did and I started to cry.
Everyone wanted to know if it hurt.
It did but that's not why I was crying.
I told the nurse I was being triggered
and everyone was like "What's that?"
and the whole room was silent.
except the nurse saying "Oh My God"
way to calm me down asshole.
Then the doctor poured vinegar in my vagina and it burned.
You know, to see if I have irregular cell growth
and I just kept crying
but hey I don't have cervical cancer
just another traumatic experience.
Thank you western medicine.